The ECG Blog
Dark Thoughts: Therapy for Women with Depression in South Carolina
TW: Self-harm, Suicide, Depression
If you need immediate help, call the national suicide hotline at 988 now
I don’t think you’re selfish, I think you’re hurting.
The dark cloud may have taken over everything. This feels like more than what you know about anxiety or depression.
You can’t think straight or even picture a life past tomorrow.
It feels like there is no way out or any way that things could possibly get better. You’ve reached the point where it doesn’t feel like there’s a place or hope for your life on this earth.
You’ve been plagued with constant thoughts of suicide, death, or dying.
Even if you don’t actually want to hurt yourself, you can’t help but think that it would just be easier if you could fall asleep and never wake up.
You may have experienced recent losses, be riddled with shame about the past, or fear about the future.
You try to come up with ways to get rid of the dark cloud throughout the day. But it's still there at work, or when you binge netflix, or after you scroll tiktok, and definitely after you wake up from a night of drinking.
It’s terrifying and exhausting and it feels way too scary to talk about with anybody. Or, you may have tried to tell someone, but the person you wanted to trust didn’t respond in the way you wanted. Now, you feel betrayed and disappointed, on top of everything else.
Suicidal thoughts come when we feel like there is no other way out to escape the pain or situation that we are in. Suicidal thoughts seem like the answer or escape rout to set you free, and it’s helpful to remember that the most intense moments of feeling suicidal are usually in response to crises or depressive episodes.
This means the waves of urgency can pass and there is hope and warmth on the other side of that sheet of pure darkness.
Through therapy, we can work on reducing feelings of shame and guilt, move through grief and loss, explore purpose and lifestyle choices that are congruent with your true self. We can take things day by day, or week by week until you are back on your feet, able to see a future, and can live and thrive.
You may or may not need more urgent or inpatient care to get you to safety and stability, but individual therapy is there for you upon your return.
For those who are getting close to it
Your fight against the darkness has become too much, but something has prevented you from giving up your life. You deserve to stay safe until this moment passes. You’re worthy of receiving help that will support you as you heal.
For those who have attempted
I am so glad you are still here. Everything became too much and you couldn’t take it anymore, but you are here and that means there’s still hope. Whether you feel gratitude, shame, regret, or more fear after your attempt, you don’t have to feel that alone. And we can work together to keep you moving forward.
For those who feel like you never could or would
I’m sorry you have to suffer through the thoughts nonetheless. Suicidal thoughts or thoughts wishing you could go to heaven or fall asleep and never wake up are telling you that something feels wrong. We can find out how to make things right to feel like your life is worth living.
For those who I didn’t describe, but still struggle with thoughts of suicide
You are worthy. You deserve to feel seen and understood. You deserve to be supported.
If your safety or livelihood is immediately at risk because of your suicidal thoughts, and you need help to keep yourself safe please call 988, the suicide hotline, or mobile crisis if you are in Charleston at (843)414-2350. These resources can help you explore your options to keep yourself safe and wait for this moment or episode to pass.
“Upon your position of safety, I would be honored to work with you and continue with you on your journey further.”
- Dr. Etta Gantt, PhD, LPC, NCC
Life After The Military: Therapy for Veterans in South Carolina
When people hear “Veteran” they already assume so much about you.
Yes, it has played a huge part in shaping you, but it doesn’t say everything.
Your days or years in service may have been some of the best of your life. You may acknowledge the impact that your service has in leading you to your success today. Through your service, you became a better person, better at putting yourself out there, and in growing your self-competence and confidence.
Your military experience may have given you the stability you always needed growing up and allowed you to see so much more of the world. During your service you developed a strong work ethic, learned you were capable of more than you ever imagined, and discovered so much more of the world than you knew about. You are proud to be a veteran.
Your experience in the military may also come with challenges or traumas. Or, the adjustment after your service may have been much more difficult than you expected. Now that you’ve shifted to civilian life, it feels like the person you were expected to be and the belief system you had to develop isn’t working anymore.
Your head is constantly on a swivel even though you know the grocery store is probably a safe place to be. But you also know that evil exists and danger is everywhere. You were trained and reinforced to be so “tough” and “strong.”
But now, your family doesn’t want you to be so tough - unless they’re scared and they feel safe knowing you will protect them.
So are you ever supposed to completely “lighten up?” It’s so frustrating trying to be so much for everyone and try to figure out what it is the world wants you to be.
The days are getting harder and harder to get through.
You know something has to give, but when you have tried to get mental health help before, it felt like no one was actually listening.
For those who feel like they can’t take it anymore
The road has been so long. Loneliness, isolation, anger, and frustration doesn’t even begin to describe what you’ve felt. It would be a privilege to be allowed into your world and on your journey to help you find your way forward. I’m here to listen and understand and to go with you to all of the places that you’re ready for.
For those who tell themselves “My experience wasn't as bad as other Veterans”
Your experience is valid. No matter the severity, frequency, or kind of trauma you experienced, you may not know how to feel about it, but you do know you’re different now. It’s all important and worthy to explore, feel, and heal. If you think there is pain lingering, it deserves to be seen and understood.
For those whose service is a thing of the past
I respect your choice if you don’t want to talk about it and I’m so happy for you if your experience has only positively impacted you. I honor your service and experience regardless if it feels relevant or traumatic for you today. It’s not for me to define your experience, but to understand it from your point of view.
For those who I didn’t describe
Your experience and what you’ve made of your service and your adjustment to civilian life is valid and worthy of being understood. I’m sorry if I didn’t get it right or attend to all that you’ve experienced. I can only continue to learn through your willingness and trust in me and to share. Veteran is only one part of your identity; I know that you are so much more.
Postpartum: You Are Not Alone
You knew it would be a big change, but still feel blindsided by the postpartum emotional rollercoaster.
You may feel guilt for not enjoying as much of what you thought was supposed to be a happy time. Your expectations have not met reality. You love your baby and want the world for them, but you’re wondering where is the “instant” special connection with your child that you’ve heard others talk about.
Questions are running through your mind like, “Is it ever going to get better?” or “Do I have what it takes to become a ‘good’ parent?” Some of what you’ve heard about Postpartum Depression is disturbing and scary.
When your doctor asks you if you’re having any symptoms of Postpartum Depression, you don’t know how to describe your experience, or you wave it away. You may have told friends or family how you were feeling and they didn’t respond the way you hoped.
You’re stuck inside all of the time, your schedule is hijacked, and you don’t know what to do.
Why is it that after you’ve become a parent, you feel so alone?
It's normal to grieve the life you had before children and to have difficulty adjusting to your new routine and dynamic with your partner. Feeling that you need time for yourself to focus on your interests and ambitions is normal too. There is no right way to navigate this phase and it is an act of self- compassion to seek support to help you get through it.
Everything you are doing is hard but incredible. In a safe and confidential environment we can work on expressing your raw feelings, letting go of expectations that are leaving you feeling trapped, cope with anxiety, and help you embrace your idea and lifestyle of the person and parent that you want to be. With compassionate and judgment free therapy, we can help you feel stable and step off the rollercoaster.
For those feeling alone and scared
You aren’t “crazy.” Although, feeling like you do, or being misunderstood can certainly make you feel that way. Struggling mentally during this time doesn’t mean you will feel like this forever. It also doesn’t mean you are destined to be a bad mom, that you’ll “lose control,” or that you will do something bad.
For those consumed with guilt
It’s okay if you’re ready for your maternity leave to be over, if you don’t miss your child all the time, or if you feel a sense of relief when you get a break. It’s okay if you still wish your miscarried child was born even after you delivered another baby. None of this makes you a bad parent. You are a person too and it’s okay to think of yourself that way.
For those with crippling fear and anxiety
Your instincts are on fire. You care so much that you’re terrified of anything bad that could happen. It can take time to feel like someone else can care for your baby or trust that they will be okay, but you don’t have to carry all of that fear alone or forever.
For those who I didn’t describe
Whether you are happy, you are angry, you aren’t a “traditional” mom or parent; you are a hero. You are embarking on one of the most important journeys or raising a human being. I’m sorry if I did not capture your experience, but know that your experience is valid and worth being heard, understood, and represented. Postpartum depression does not have to be contingent on being the one giving birth, so know that you may feel this way even if you are not a parent or mother who has given birth to your child.
The Shocking Toll: Understanding How Childhood Trauma Impacts Long-Term Health for Women In South Carolina
Most of us have heard of the “mind-body connection”. But let me tell you about a world changing study you probably haven’t heard of, conducted in the 1990s by the Center of Disease Control and Prevention, and Kaiser Permanente.
The “ACE study”, which stands for “Adverse Childhood Experiences”, uncovered a shocking correlation between specific childhood experiences and the development of long term serious health diagnoses as adults. aimed to explore the correlation between childhood adversity and health issues in adulthood.
They found that exposure to particular experiences in childhood affected 67% of the population and could shorten life expectancy by 20 years, triple the likelihood of developing lung disease, and increase the likelihood of developing depression by 450%!!
You may be wondering what are these specific adverse experiences that can cause such long term and tragic outcomes?
The ACE questionnaire identifies adverse childhood experiences through a series of 10 questions, which fall into 3 categories. These induce 1) various types of household dysfunction, 2) emotional and physical neglect, and lastly, 3) any type of abuse, including emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.
The research revealsed the result of exposure effects adults in the following ways:
Physical Health
- Individuals with four or more ACEs are at a significantly higher risk of developing chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.
- The risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is 2.5 times higher in individuals with a history of ACEs compared to those without.
Mental Health
- Individuals with a history of ACEs are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.
- The risk of attempting suicide is 12 times higher among individuals with four or more ACEs.
Substance Abuse
- The likelihood of engaging in substance abuse, including alcoholism and drug addiction, increases with the number of ACEs.
- Individuals with four or more ACEs are seven times more likely to become alcoholic and ten times more likely to use intravenous drugs.
Social & Financial Impact
- ACEs impact not only physical and mental health but also social well-being. Adults with a higher number of ACEs are more likely to experience unemployment, financial instability, and relationship difficulties.
Life Expectancy
- The cumulative effect of ACEs is profound. Individuals with six or more ACEs have a 20 years shorter life expectancy than those with no ACEs.
Pretty shocking, huh?!
These findings have some pretty big implications. For starters, I use this important screening tool with every single client who starts counseling at Ethredge Counseling Group. It helps us dial in, from the very beginning, on some of the most significant experiences our clients may have had, and shed light on what could be triggering multiple symptoms.
There are implications for our society at large as well. Addressing the widespread abuse and neglect that so many children are surviving on their own is crucial, as well as supporting caregivers who may struggle with their own mental health challenges.
We can help bring trauma-informed care to those who need it most, as well as educate parents, caregivers, and community members, thereby contributing to the creation of a safer and more nurturing environment for children.
Building supportive communities that prioritize the well-being of children is essential. Social programs, mental health services, and community resources can play a vital role in creating a protective environment for children at risk of ACEs.
Lastly, we can begin healing our own traumas, both “big” and “small”. Not only for the benefit of our own health, but for the healing and wellbeing of our families, our communities, and the world as a whole.
What is Trauma?
I often have clients start therapy by telling me they had idyllic childhoods, wonderful parents, and no traumatic experiences.
And yet, they experience panic attacks, ruminating thoughts, insomnia, or low self esteem.
How do these people with such lovely lives, develop such limiting, frustrating, even devastating or debilitating symptoms?
The answer? Unresolved and unprocessed experiences, aka “trauma”.
Now, many may balk at that statement! Perhaps you too feel you’ve had a trauma-free life, and yet experience some of the symptoms listed above. You view yourself as strong and capable, not as a victim with trauma.
Stick with me here!
I'm not here to convince you that you are a victim, or that you have some horrific event in your childhood which you’ve suppressed. Nor am I here to ruin your view of your childhood and say you had terrible parents!
I am here to challenge you to look deeper than the surface. To begin to understand the root cause of these symptoms. To validate the significance of the small and often neglected experiences that could be the source of your current struggles.
“Trauma is an invisible force that shapes our lives. It shapes the way we live, the way we love and the way we make sense of the world. It is the root of our deepest wounds.”
― Gabor Maté
How To Find A Trauma Therapist in Charleston, South Carolina
In the journey towards healing from trauma, finding the right therapist is a crucial step. Charleston, SC, with its rich history and vibrant community, offers a variety of mental health professionals. However, the process of identifying a suitable trauma therapist can be overwhelming. This blog post aims to guide individuals through the steps of finding a good trauma therapist in Charleston, SC!
1. Understanding Trauma Therapy:
Before embarking on the search, it’s important to understand that there are many approaches to treating trauma, and there are many personal styles of therapy that differ between therapists. I think it’s essential to take a few moments and ponder what type of therapeutic relationship you are seeking. Some trauma approaches can be a bit cold and distant, but very clinical, while others can be quite holistic, incorporating the body through somatic approaches. A trauma therapist’s goal is (or should be) to help you safely process emotions related to your past experiences in a specialized way. They utilize various therapeutic approaches tailored to each person's unique needs.
2. Researching Therapists:
Start by compiling a list of trauma therapists in Charleston. Utilize online directories, mental health websites, or ask for recommendations from friends, family, or healthcare providers. Pay attention to therapists' specializations, ensuring they have experience in trauma-focused therapy.
18 Questions to Ask Your New or Potential Therapist/Counselor
Embarking on the path to healing from trauma is a courageous step, and finding the right therapist is so important to this journey. As you consider potential trauma therapists, know that it’s ok to ask questions and gather information so that you can make a decision you feel good about! Here are 18 questions to consider asking your potential therapist.
1. What is your experience in treating trauma?
Understanding a therapist's experience with treating trauma. Inquire about their years of practice, specific training in trauma therapy, and any certifications related to trauma treatment.