Talking About OCD: How to Support Your Loved Ones
Talking about OCD can be very difficult for both the person experiencing the disorder and for the loved ones witnessing their experience. For those experiencing it, the disorder and its effects can feel really hard to explain and for those witnessing, OCD can be hard to understand. OCD can feel particularly difficult to understand because of the largely internal experience of the condition and the intensity in which it is felt by the person experiencing it.
For The Person With OCD
Explain Your Unique Experience
If you’re wanting some help or understanding from your loved ones in your life, start by trying to explain your experience to them. You can break apart the different parts of your experience as explained in the previous blog. Think of explaining these questions: What are your fears, obsessions, intrusive thoughts, and self-doubt? How have you been battling them with compulsions and rituals? And how has this been affecting you? If that feels too difficult, start by letting them know that you’re struggling and need help and seek support from a licensed mental health professional to better understand your experience and be able to articulate it.
Ask for Support and Set Boundaries
It’s hard to ask for support and it sometimes means facing some fears about feeling like you’re failing or having to share some about your internal world. But, these conversions that may bring up some discomfort can lead to a lot of growth. If you know that there are certain behaviors that your loved ones do that trigger your intrusive thoughts and shame about your disorder, let them know or ask them to refrain. If you need to set some boundaries to have some time and space to relax or destress to help manage symptoms, let them know this too.
Share How You Want To Grow
It’s also important to let your loved ones know how you hope and want to grow in better managing your OCD. For example, you may want to
Get in therapy or find a consistent schedule for treatment.
Work on managing and reducing compulsions.
Work on boundaries, reducing unhelpful people pleasing, or reducing stress.
Consider realistic goals for making OCD more manageable. The disorder may not disappear completely, but what would progress look like for you? For example, could you aim to check the house once at night instead of multiple times? A realistic goal might be getting to the point at night where you can complete one routine “sweep” of checking the house and making sure everything is in order instead of several rounds of compulsive checking and getting out of bed to make sure the door is locked and the stove is off?
For The Loved One Supporting Someone With OCD
Learn What OCD Is - And Isn’t
A great way to start understanding more about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and how it’s affecting your loved one, is by checking out the first blog of this series to get an overview. Know that OCD is not “just anxiety,” or that your partner is not a “clean freak.” Know that OCD is a mental health disorder that typically feels very much out of their control. Ask your partner to describe their OCD to you.
Understand How Real Their Fears Feel
Although your loved one’s fears or concerns may seem irrational, false, or unlikely, the nature of OCD makes these fears feel incredibly real. It’s likely not helpful to try to convince them otherwise when they are wrapped up and consumed by an obsession. It’s going to be hard to support your loved one if you can’t accept how real these fears feel to them. Try thinking this: Imagine being flooded with out of control thoughts telling you that your worst fear is happening and it feels completely real- how miserable would that be? Start from this place of empathy and then get curious about how you can help your loved one better manage these fears.
Practice Patience and Reduce Judgement
Know that OCD can cause a lot of distress and shame. Try to let go of judgment of your partner to help lessen the distress. Your partner likely has some awareness that their fears and doubts are unrealistic, but they are affecting them tremendously nonetheless. OCD can make people feel very alone, afraid, embarrassed, especially when people feel like it’s out of control and not managed. Be patient with them! It takes time to learn the skills to manage OCD. Give them space to respond to symptoms as they pop up.
Ask About Boundaries And Triggers
After learning more about how OCD affects your loved one’s life. Ask how you might help avoid triggering shame or heightening their symptoms. What are some topics, news stories, or situations that cause their OCD to flare? Ask how you can help them manage symptoms or feel more at ease. Help them explore where they can set boundaries to reduce excessive stress in their life or routine.
Encourage Growth
Sometimes loved ones worry that if they don’t push or challenge the OCD that their loved one will never be happy. Their symptoms of OCD may be affecting you too. Let them know how hard it is to see them struggle and if it’s affecting you as well without blaming.
For example:
“I feel (xxx), when you (xxx) I know this is hard for you, but our relationship is important to me and I want to explore ways to make it healthier.”
Ask how they would know their OCD is manageable and what you or they can do to help get to a manageable place. When in doubt refer out and encourage therapy and treatment!
Promote Relaxation and Distraction
The intensity of OCD symptoms can be managed better by reducing stress and practicing more relaxing and distracting activities! What can y’all do together? Mindful, creative, intellectual, and active hobbies are a great way to improve your relationship and help them manage their OCD. Try yoga, painting, building, walks, hikes, cooking or baking together, puzzles, games, or any activities that are shared interests.
Ready to embark on a journey of growth and change?
Schedule a free 15min consultation with a licensed professional counselor to get started!
