Anxiety is an emotion that can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. However, when it comes to understanding and managing anxiety, one's attachment style plays a significant role, particularly for women. Attachment styles influence how we connect with others, process emotions, and handle stress. In this blog post, we'll explore the intricate relationship between anxiety and attachment styles, offering insights and strategies for women to better navigate their emotional landscapes.

Understanding Attachment Styles

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and later expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth, helps us comprehend the way we form emotional bonds with others. Attachment styles typically fall into four categories: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (also known as disorganized). These styles are formed in childhood based on our early experiences with caregivers and continue to impact our relationships throughout our lives. It is important to note that these categories are fluid, rather than rigid, meaning that your attachment style may have components that have characteristics of several styles.

Picture your favorite room in your favorite place in the world (real or imagined). Does this place have a window? If so, what do you see outside of that window? Maybe it’s huge forest trees towering into a big, blue sky. Maybe it’s a river flowing through grassy knolls, or a beach sweet and salty enough to always have a window open with the breeze blowing through.

Wherever it is, would you want that window to no longer be there? Of course not! That would keep you from seeing the beauty outside of your favorite place. Would you want that window to become a whole opening in your wall for anyone or anything to drift its way in? Probably not. Windows are enjoyable for what they are-a space to see without being overwhelmed by the elements of the outside.

As any parent of a toddler will tell you, parenting young children is not for the faint of heart. Discipline often feels overwhelming. It can feel impossible to regulate your own emotions while also assisting your young child in regulating their own. Throughout my therapeutic work with both adults and children, I’ve noticed a struggle to set limits while maintaining emotional connection with the child. Garry Landreth, founder of the Center for Play Therapy, in his video entitled “Choices, Cookies, and Kids,”outlines a model for setting limits while maintaining emotional attunement. The “A.C.T” model provides three helpful tools for limit-setting.

When Taylor Swift said, “Life is emotionally abusive,”¹ might she have been talking about young adulthood? Navigating college and post-grad life can be daunting. No one (as much as they might try) can prepare you for the shock of looking around and realizing that adulthood is just happening to you. You feel like a poser playing dress-up in the corporate world. You’re sitting in a classroom or a boring meeting and realize that it’s making you question your chosen career path. You’re wishing that high school Algebra had been about something more useful, like how to do your taxes or date without getting ghosted.