Decoding Your Emotions - Don’t Blame The Messenger, Part 2
A great way to begin understanding your emotions is to explore what they may be telling you.
We can respond to our emotions in several ways: by using coping skills, practicing mindfulness, or taking intentional steps to change our situation.
Physical and creative outlets help us release and process emotions as they arise. Grounding and de-escalation techniques can regulate our nervous systems when emotions feel overwhelming, allowing us to think more clearly. Mindfulness practices—such as journaling, reflective thinking, therapy, or talking with a trusted friend—help us understand our emotions and develop effective responses.
All of these approaches encourage us to feel our emotions.
In contrast, unproductive responses often involve avoiding our emotions through isolation or turning to substances or other unhealthy behaviors as an escape.
Below is a chart that outlines the messages your emotions convey, suggests productive responses, and highlights common but less effective reactions.
Decode Your Emotions:
Sadness
Message: You are adjusting to a loss or a change
Productive Responses: Cry it out, share with someone you trust, journal
Unproductive Responses: Isolation, constant negative thinking, “bottling up” until it explodes
Guilt
Message: You may need to fix a mistake that has hurt or inconvenienced someone
Productive Responses: Consider where you may have made a mistake, apologize, ask how you can correct or amend the situation if possible
Unproductive Responses: Seeking reassurance from others to make guilt go away. Ignoring guilt, the problem, and mistake, and potentially furthering a conflict
Anger
Message: You or a loved one’s physical or emotional boundaries may be threatened or may have already been violated. Your body giving you energy towards a blocked goal
Productive Responses: Deep breathing, exercise, boundary setting, action taking to change the situation, talking to therapist or a non-biased external third party
Unproductive Responses: Lashing out (insulting, violence, throwing things), gossiping, trying to control others or situations
Fear
Message: You perceive a potential threat to physical or emotional safety, real or imagined
Productive Responses: Assess for evidence of fear, decide what action may protect yourself, seek comfort and safety, recognize when the danger is over or passed
Unproductive Responses: Ignoring fear, not recognizing your own power and letting fear control you
Disgust
Message: You perceive something to be uncomfortable, unsafe, or unhelpful. You're gaining awareness of your likes and dislikes
Productive Responses: Explore what is repelling you and remove yourself from stimuli if you’re body is telling you no
Unproductive Responses: Ignoring the need to set a boundary, or avoiding everything
Loneliness
Message: Connection is important to you
Productive Responses: Reach out to a friend or loved one (phone calls or lunch dates!), explore why you are having a hard time being by yourself, do something you enjoy
Unproductive Response: Further isolating self, or believing the loneliness means you are unlovable, constantly relying on others to provide you comfort
Happiness
Message: You are emotionally secure and experiencing joy and gratitude
Productive Responses: Share your joy and gratitude, be mindful in the present moment
Unproductive Responses: Avoiding happiness because it feels vulnerable, forcing yourself to be happy because it seems more acceptable than other emotions that may be present (ex, anger, sadness)
Shame
Message: You may be at risk of being ostracized or unloved
Your are not proud of yourself
Productive Responses: Explore the trigger to shame (ask do you feel like you’ve done something wrong or is this coming from external factors), share with someone who can provide empathy
Unproductive Response: Internalizing shame and letting it rule your belief system, ignoring shame and creating “walls” to protect yourself
Boredom
Message: You are experiencing a lack of fulfillment and/ or stimulation
Productive Responses: Push yourself to do something you enjoy (exercise, art, crafts, cooking, calling a friend), journal
Unproductive Responses: Reach for a substance to distract or fulfill you, overcrowd your schedule because you are afraid of how you feel when you have free time
Jealousy
Message: An insecurity you have is being reflected by external stimuli or a possession that you have is being threatened
Productive Responses: Name your jealousy and explore what insecurity is under it
Unproductive Responses: Hurt others or yourself to try to make the jealousy go away or to control the risk of losing your possession
Numb
Message: Your emotions have been ignored or have been so overwhelming that you’re body is finding them too dangerous to interact with
Productive Responses: Soothe nervous system with deep breathing and time to self. Write out and explore emotions that may be under the numbness
Unproductive Responses: Keep pushing yourself to greater overwhelm, shame yourself for needing a break
Nervous
Message: You may be taking a risk. You care deeply about the outcome
Productive Responses: Assess your supports and strengths to determine if you are ready to take a risk
Unproductive Responses: Immobilizing or holding yourself back to avoid failure or vulnerability
Stress
Message: You are being physiologically motivated to take action and the outcome is important to you
Productive Responses: Take breaks to relax and unwind (rest, exercise, meditate, hug your partner, create something) so that stress can be managed and used to harness energy to complete task
Unproductive Responses: Pile on more tasks to make the stress go away and produce more stress until you reach burnout
Grief
Message: Reminds you of a loss you have endured related to safety and love. Reminds you of the preciousness of life
Productive Responses: Recognize that grief comes in waves and let it remind you of the good in your past
Unproductive Responses: Avoid feeling or remembering the good, avoid new experiences for fear of loss
