The ECG Blog
Navigating Disordered Eating Triggers During the Holidays, Part 2
Navigating Disordered Eating Triggers During the Holidays, Part 2
We are over halfway into the holiday season and at this point, you may be feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Navigating disordered eating triggers is a daily effort, and the holiday stress may be making this more difficult. This week we are discussing three more strategies that can be helpful during this time.
Social Media and the Pressure of Perfection
During the holidays, social media is flooded with images of perfectly styled tables, happy families, and holiday fashion. This constant stream of curated, idealized images can lead to body comparison and feelings of inadequacy. It can also bring up feelings of shame and despair.
Trigger: Body Comparison and Unrealistic Standards
Scrolling through social media can make you feel like your body doesn’t measure up to the "ideal" you see online, which can lead to unhealthy body image thoughts and disordered eating behaviors, like excessive dieting, exercising, or bingeing.
Strategy: Curate Your Feed
Take control of your social media experience by unfollowing or muting accounts that promote unrealistic body standards or diet culture. Follow accounts that promote body-neutrality or body-positivity and that validate your experience. Finally, try removing social media apps from your phone so it is more difficult to access them. Limiting your time on social media also allows you to be more present during your real-life holiday experiences and helps you avoid harmful messaging.
Emotional Eating Triggers During Holiday Stress
The holidays can be emotionally overwhelming. While they can bring joy, they can also bring up feelings of stress, grief, or loneliness, which may lead to emotional eating.
Trigger: Emotional Stress and Coping with Food
Food is often used as a way to cope with difficult emotions, especially during the holidays. When emotions feel unmanageable, those with disordered eating habits turn to food, dieting, weight loss, and exercise to avoid or manage the emotions. Emotional eating during the holidays is common, but it can be triggering for those who are struggling with disordered eating.
Strategy: Healthy Coping Mechanisms
When possible, take some quiet time alone to check in with your emotions. Ask yourself what you are feeling and be curious about what your emotions are telling you. If you feel overwhelmed or dysregulated, engage in coping mechanisms such as journaling, meditating, or confiding in a trusted friend or family member. Taking a walk outside is another way to recenter yourself. This is a challenging time so, above all, try and be gentle with yourself.
The Holiday Focus on Appearance and “New Year, New You” Messaging
The end of the year often comes with the pressure of setting resolutions, many of which focus on body changes, weight loss, or dieting. The onslaught of “New Year, New You” messaging can make individuals feel like their worth is directly correlated to their weight or physical appearance.
Trigger: Diet Culture and Weight Loss Pressure
Media outlets often highlight quick fixes for weight loss and promote unrealistic, unhealthy beauty standards. These messages ca make people feel pressured to focus on dieting, restricting food, or overexercising during and after the holidays.
Strategy: Shift the Focus to Health, Not Appearance
Instead of making weight loss or appearance-related resolutions, focus on goals that promote overall well-being, such as mental health, self-compassion, or enhancing your social connections. Embrace a more holistic approach to health by prioritizing nourishing your body with balanced meals and engaging in movement that feels good—going on walks and practicing yoga are two places to start.
Conclusion
The holidays can be a difficult time for individuals with disordered eating, but by checking in with yourself and engaging with self-care, it’s possible to navigate this season with less stress. Focus on self-compassion, social connection, and staying present in the moment. If you find that triggers become overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support from a trusted mental health professional.
Navigating Disordered Eating Triggers During the Holidays, Part 1
Navigating Disordered Eating Triggers During the Holidays, Part 1
The holidays are often seen as a time of celebration and spending meaningful time with loved ones. Yet, for many individuals struggling with negative body image or disordered eating behaviors, the holidays can present a minefield of triggers. The combination of food-centered gatherings, social events, and societal pressures can intensify eating-related anxieties and self-criticism. Emotions are also heightened during the holidays, and when emotions become overwhelming, many of us turn disordered eating behaviors to manage them. Understanding what our triggers are and developing strategies to manage them is necessary for maintaining emotional well-being during this time. In this post, we’ll explore some common triggers for disordered eating during the holidays and share tips on how to navigate them in a healthier way.
The Pressure of Holiday Feasts and Food-Centered Events
For many, the holidays are synonymous with food—large meals and endless desserts. While food is meant to be enjoyed, it can also bring stress and anxiety for those struggling with disordered eating. Many are also away from home during the holidays and often not in control of the food that is served. All these factors can lead to feelings of overwhelm and stress.
Trigger: Mealtimes
Holiday meals are often larger and richer than usual, and this can trigger feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety about eating. People with restrictive eating habits or those who struggle with binge eating may worry about not staying in control.
Strategy: Practice Mindful Eating
During mealtimes, try to be present in the moment. Practice mindful eating by eating slowly and savoring each bite; notice the taste and texture of each food. Listen to your body’s hunger cues and notice when you are feeling hungry and when you are feeling full. Focus on the enjoyment of the meal and pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after meals. And remember that different types of food are not good or bad, they are simply food. However, improving body image can significantly enhance self-esteem. When we learn to accept and appreciate our bodies, regardless of their shape or size, we can develop a deeper sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on external validation. There isn’t a quick fix, but there are some helpful ways to engage with your body image in a different way.
Lack of Routine and Structure
Holidays often disrupt regular routines. Traveling to see loved ones, attending holiday parties, and managing schedule changes can lead to inconsistent eating patterns. For those who rely on structure to manage their eating habits, this lack of routine can lead to increased anxiety, overconsumption, or restricting food intake.
Trigger: Disruption of Routine
For individuals with disordered eating habits, the disruption of regular meal schedules can lead to heightened stress. The lack of structure of normal mealtimes may lead to eating more due to fear of not having access to food later or avoid eating altogether.
Strategy: Create a Flexible Routine
While flexibility is key during the holidays, you can still try to maintain a balanced routine. Try to incorporate the parts of your routine that you are able to. For example, going to bed and waking up at similar times, or going on a daily walk, if that is what you are used to. If you have a regular eating schedule, it can be helpful to bring nourishing snacks to eat if you get hungry between meals. Continue to engage in self-care practices that are helpful to you, such as journaling or meditation. Think ahead in order to accommodate your needs, but remember be kind to yourself if things don’t go the way you planned.
Family Dynamics and Unwanted Comments
For many, family gatherings during the holidays come with both the joy of spending time with loved ones and the stress of navigating family dynamics. Unfortunately, some family members may inadvertently make comments about food choices, weight, or appearance that are harmful, especially to someone struggling with disordered eating or negative body image.
Trigger: Comments About Weight, Appearance, and Eating Habits
Whether it’s a passing remark about how much you’re eating, unsolicited comments about your body, or pressure to eat more or less than you feel comfortable with, these situations can trigger feelings of shame and anxiety or lead to disordered eating behaviors.
Strategy: Set Boundaries and Practice Assertiveness
Setting clear boundaries with family members about your body and eating habits can help mitigate harmful situations. If someone comments on your weight, appearance, or eating behaviors, politely but firmly explain that you prefer not to discuss these topics and that such comments are unhelpful. It can also be beneficial to proactively communicate your needs to family members and ask them ahead of time to avoid making comments about physical appearances, food intake, and dieting. It is important to note that comments that some people consider to be compliments can be harmful to someone struggling with disordered eating. Finally, this is a time to lean on social connections who are supportive and understanding of the challenges you are experiencing.
Putting It All Together
This can be a challenging time of year, but putting these strategies into practice can help alleviate some of the anxiety around eating habits during the holidays. The most important strategy is to practice self-compassion and give yourself grace during this time. Check back next week for more strategies.
Reclaim Your Power From Shame and Guilt - Don’t Blame The Messenger Series, Part 4
Understanding Guilt and Shame
Shame and guilt are also incredibly common emotions that tend to be difficult to process and harness due to their implications. Shame and guilt may make us feel like we are at risk of losing acceptance or people. This risk may also lead to beliefs of being unworthy of love. Shame and guilt can be painful to experience, therefore we may let these emotions consume us or we avoid them at all costs. However, shame and guilt hold validity and purpose just like the rest of our emotions. They tell us when we are acting out of line with our own values and when we may need to make some changes with ourselves. The distinction of healthy shame and guilt vs. unproductive shame and guilt is often determined by whether these emotions are coming from within or placed on us by others. The messages of shame and guilt can only be channeled for positive action when these emotions are met with empathy from others or compassion from ourselves.
The Healing Benefits of Anger - Don’t Blame The Messenger Series, Part 3
Anger is likely the emotion with the worst reputation. Many of us try to avoid or reject any notion that we may be an “angry person,” but anger is actually a valid, healthy, and useful emotion in the same way that happiness and sadness is. We might fear anger because we’ve seen the negative effects that come when others lose a grip on their anger. Unresolved or unmanaged anger has had the tendency to lead to violence, aggression, or hurtful words or actions. Hence, the bad reputation. But, when anger is felt, processed, and harnessed it has an incredible power to help us to make meaningful changes in our lives for ours and others’ benefit and can even be a powerful aid in our healing processes.
When we don’t understand our anger we have the tendency to let it control us, where we accidentally release our anger in excess and end up hurting others or having negative consequences that are hard to come back from. For example, you may be hurt and respond with anger that ends up hurting a friend or loved one so much that the relationship becomes very difficult to recover. Or, your anger may take over in a way that leads to physical violence or aggression that falls on to the wrong people. On the other hand, not understanding our anger can also lead to repression of anger which results in increased anxiety, depression, or a decreased ability to move on from hurt, loss, and trauma.
It’s unfortunate that anger has such a bad reputation, because anger can be a good thing! When our body is telling us we are angry we are getting cues that we have been hurt, violated, or we may need to protect ourselves or make changes. When it comes to setting boundaries and expressing needs with others, recognizing our anger is an incredible tool! For example, you may have felt repeatedly disrespected at work and like you were given excessive responsibilities and have been put down in the process too. For example, you constantly feel like your drowning, but you don’t want to rock the boat or come across like you can’t handle the work It may take finally recognizing your anger to get the motivation to speak up and set more boundaries around your workload with management.
Anger also has potential to have transformative effects in our healing journeys. It’s normal after experiencing trauma or loss to have residual guilt or shame that lingers. Sometimes, this excessive guilt or shame is a response to us internalizing the experience and assuming that full responsibility and blame. This may turn in to anger, but it becomes directed inward. “Ugh! If I would have just not gone there that night, this never would have happened! I’m so stupid!” This sort of self-talk is not productive. Anger towards self increases shame, anxiety, and depression and facilitates for self-limiting beliefs that may impact other areas of your life. Sometimes it takes having to really feel you anger related to a trauma to externalize the event and help remove the shame and debilitating beliefs. For example, “Ugh how could that person do that to me they are deeply unwell to think that harassment was acceptable! And they shamed me afterwards trying to make me believe I asked for it!” In this way, the anger is externalized to see the situation more clearly. Anger doesn’t always have to be acted on if the recipient isn’t a safe person to receive or hear your boundaries or experience but sharing anger with a professional or trusted one can provide you the clarity and relief you desire, as well as creative methods like journaling or art.
While I’m describing the benefits of anger, it’s important to distinguish between anger and rage. Anger is our body’s response to a specific situation, event, or external stimuli, but rage is the physical response to pent up and unprocessed anger and/ or hypervigilance. When we are experiencing rage, or when our anger is heightened beyond our ability to see a situation rationally then we have to take time to physically release anger or de-escalate or mental status before we act. This is the danger zone where we may let our anger take over and lead us to actions that we may regret or that may cause harm.
It’s also important to distinguish between anger and irritability. A small level of irritability is normal when we are experiencing changes, increased stress, or changes causing us discomfort. However, if you are feeling constantly irritable, then there may be some unresolved anger that hasn’t been addressed. Or, if you are feeling constantly angry, irritable, there may be some other feelings that have been ignored that have manifested because they were ignored and anger felt safer. In this case, ask yourself what may be going on under the anger that is hurting you, bothering you, or causing you discomfort.
Reflexive questions for recognizing, managing, and harnessing our anger.
Question
Example
What makes me angry?
Feeling inferior, when people touch my stuff
What does it feel like in my body when I get angry?
My head starts spinning, my chest gets tight, I want to cry and fight at the same time
How do I start responding when I get angry or REALLY angry (signs to de escalate)
Clenching fist, ruminating on perceived threat or insult, snapping at others, shutting down
What helps me relax or calm down if I’m angry?
Exercise and deep breathing
When have I used my anger for good?
Stood up to another kid who was bullying my friend in elementary school
When has my anger been destructive?
Negative self-talk (anger directed inwards), overreacting with my dog and partner (my safe people)
When have I turned my anger inwards unduly? What was actually going on?
Beating myself up over the breakup. It wasn’t meant to be. It’s time to let go.
When have I unduly projected my anger outwards? What was actually going on?
When I snapped at my partner last week. They didn’t do anything wrong. I just had a bad day at work.
Strategies for managing rage, irritability, and excessive anger.
Stress reduction (the more stress we have in our life the more likely we lose control of our anger or it builds excessively
Journaling- venting, processing, and reflecting
Physical exercise- reduces stress and channels aggression or fight or flight response
Deep breathing- calms ourselves down so we can regulate our nervous system to see the situation more clearly
Step away or allowing for some distance- give yourself some time to cool down to decide how you want to respond to your anger effectively
Grounding exercise- step outside or try the 5,4,3,2,1 exercise to de escalate
Decoding Your Emotions - Don’t Blame The Messenger, Part 2
A great start to learning how to have a balanced approach to understanding your emotions is exploring what they are telling you. For example, sadness may tell you you are being disappointed, hurt or let down. When we are feeling that way we can respond productively by crying, talking to someone, or journaling. Sadness consumes us when we are getting lost in despair by not recognizing or channeling our sadness into something (tears, spoken word, etc).
Decoding Your Emotional Cues:
Sadness
Message: An event or multiple events have hurt you, brought you sadness, or low mood (you are be adjusting to a loss or change)
Productive Responses: Cry it out, share with someone you trust, journal
Unproductive Responses: Isolation, constant negative thinking, “bottling up” until it explodes
Guilt
Message: You may need to fix a mistake that has hurt or inconvenienced someone
Productive Responses: Consider where you may have made a mistake and apologize if you’ve made a mistake or hurt someone, ask how you can correct the situation if possible
Unproductive Responses: Seeking reassurance from others to make guilt go away, ignoring guilt, problem, and mistake, and potentially furthering a conflict
Anger
Message: You or a loved one’s physical or emotional boundaries may be threatened or may have already been violated
Productive Responses: Deep breathing, exercise, boundary setting, action taking to change the situation, talking to therapist or a non-biased external third party
Unproductive Responses: Lashing out (insulting, violence, throwing things), gossiping, trying to control others
Fear
Message: You or a loved one may be in physical or emotional danger
Productive Responses: Assess for evidence of fear, decide what action may protect yourself, seek comfort and safety, recognize when the danger is over or passed
Unproductive Responses: Ignoring fear, not recognizing your own power and letting fear control you
Disgust
Message: (Something feels potentially unsafe, unhelpful, or uncomfortable)
Productive Responses: Explore what is repelling you and remove yourself from stimuli if you’re body is telling you no
Unproductive Responses: Ignoring the need to set a boundary, or avoiding everything
Loneliness
Message: You’re seeking connection (Connection is important to you)
Productive Responses: Reach out to a friend or loved one (phone calls or lunch dates!), explore why you are having a hard time being by yourself, do something you enjoy
Unproductive Response: Further isolating self, or believing the loneliness means you are unlovable, constantly relying on others to provide you comfort
Happiness
Message: You are emotionally secure and experiencing joy and gratitude
Productive Responses: Share your joy and gratitude, be mindful in the present moment
Unproductive Responses: Avoiding happiness because it feels vulnerable, forcing yourself to be happy because it seems more acceptable than other emotions that may be present (i.e., anger,sadness)
Shame
Message: You sense a risk of being ostracized or unloved
Productive Responses: Explore why you are feeling shame, share with someone
Unproductive Response: Internalizing shame and letting it rule your belief system, ignoring shame and creating “walls” to protect yourself
Boredom
Message: You are experiencing a lack of fulfillment and/ or stimulation
Productive Responses: Push yourself to do something you enjoy (exercise, art, crafts, cooking, calling a friend), journal
Unproductive Responses: Reach for a substance to distract or fulfill you, overcrowd your schedule because you are afraid of how you feel when you have free time
Jealousy
Message: An insecurity you have is being reflected by external stimuli or a possession that you have is being threatened
Productive Responses: Name your jealousy and explore what insecurity is under it
Unproductive Responses: Hurt others or yourself to try to make the jealousy go away or to control the risk of losing your possession
Numb
Message: Your emotions have been ignored or have been so overwhelming that you’re body is finding them too dangerous to interact with
Productive Responses: Soothe nervous system with deep breathing and time to self. Write out and explore emotions that may be under the numbness
Unproductive Responses:
Nervous
Message: MessageYou may be taking a risk
Productive Responses: Assess your supports and strengths to determine if you are ready to take a risk
Unproductive Responses: Immobilizing or holding yourself back to avoid failure or vulnerability
Stress
Message: You are being physiologically motivated to take action
Productive Responses: Take breaks to relax and unwind (rest, exercise, meditate, hug your partner, create something) so that stress can be managed and used to harness energy to complete task
Unproductive Responses: Pile on more tasks to make the stress go away and produce more stress until you reach burnout
Grief
Message: Reminds you of a loss you have endured related to safety and love. Reminds you of the preciousness of life
Productive Responses: Recognize that grief comes in waves and let it remind you of the good in your past
Unproductive Responses: Avoid feeling or remembering the good, avoid new experiences for fear of loss
Your Emotions Are Trying To Tell You Something - Don’t Blame The Messenger Series, Part 1
Emotions Have Gotten A Bad Wrap
Emotions themselves are actually a healthy, productive, biological, and normal part of the human experience!
However, sometimes they just feel like a nuisance.
They usually feel like such a bother because they are communicating and calling on us to attend to something! And sometimes we just feel too busy or too preoccupied to do so. Also, emotions have gotten a bad reputation: an “emotional” person is considered child-like and like they can’t get a grip on reality.
Oftentimes in childhood, as a response to our youthful dysregulated emotions, we are told to “not get upset” as a response to our emotions.
This makes sense, as usually the person saying so is trying to come up with a solution to the dysregulated or over reactive response. A kid screaming and crying at the top of their lungs is a situation that adults are just looking for solutions to.
However, this response lends to not actually figuring out how to work through the emotions.
How We Respond To Our Emotions Matter
It’s easy to respond to our emotions in two ways:
Ignore them
Be consumed by them
One response is by being overly reactive to them and allowing them to consume us.
The more common approach as we enter adulthood is to ignore them, stuff them, or discredit them.
One response feels more active and like you’re actually doing something about it, and one is more passive and falls under the belief that there is nothing you can do about your emotional response.
Both responses are ignoring what the emotions are telling you.
Because that’s what emotions are there for- to tell you something!
Emotions are our internal messengers and communicators to tell us how to respond to our external and physical world!
When our emotions are stuffed deep down, anxiety, depression, and/ or OCD are usually sitting on top of them. And when our emotions are out of control, anxious, intrusive, or depressive thoughts often follow.
Our mental health and cognitive functioning is strongly dependent on our ability to feel, experience, explore, understand, and cope with our emotions.
How Your Childhood Experiences Shape Your Emotions Responses
Usually the way we handle emotions is affected by the models and societal messages around us growing up.
If your family didn’t talk about emotions, then it’s likely you don’t talk about emotions.
If your family had really big and unhinged emotions that felt scary as a child, then emotions may be avoided so that your world feels more safe.
If you didn’t have a place to share or process your emotions, then you may have learned to just keep them bottled up and stuffed down (because what else were you supposed to do?).
On the other hand, we might express our emotions loudly and openly to get what we want. This could be due to trauma, confusion, or struggles with boundaries. When we don’t know how to handle our emotions, they can become explosive or overwhelming for us and others. In this case, our emotions may feel like "demons," leaving us wondering how to get rid of them.
How to Improve Your Communication Skills for Men and Women in Charleston, South Carolin
The Power of Nonviolent Communication
Communication is at the heart of human interaction. It’s the bridge between individuals, connecting us in times of need, conflict, or joy.
However, as Marshall Rosenberg eloquently outlined in his groundbreaking work on Nonviolent Communication (NVC), much of our communication is fraught with misunderstanding, judgment, and, at times, violence.
According to Rosenberg, the way we communicate can either create barriers between us or foster deeper understanding and connection.
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), sometimes referred to as “compassionate communication”, is a method developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. Rosenberg's approach aims to promote empathy, connection, and understanding in all forms of interaction.
NVC is based on the premise that, at our core, all human beings share similar needs, and our actions and words are attempts to meet these needs. When we become disconnected from our needs and the needs of others, we begin to communicate in ways that can be harmful or destructive.
Rosenberg identified two major forms of communication: life-alienating and life-enriching.
Life-alienating communication includes judgments, criticisms, labels, demands, and coercion—things that often lead to conflict and misunderstanding.
Life-enriching communication, the goal of NVC, involves creating a space where people can express their needs and feelings in ways that promote connection rather than division.
The Four Components of Nonviolent Communication
Rosenberg’s model of NVC consists of four main components:
Observation: Observing what is actually happening in a situation without evaluating or interpreting it. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," an observation might be, "When I talked to you this morning, you were looking at your phone."
Feelings: Identifying and expressing how we feel about what we have observed. Rather than hiding or minimizing our emotions, NVC encourages people to be open about what they are experiencing. "I feel frustrated and unheard" is a simple and honest way to share emotions.
Needs: Recognizing the underlying needs or values behind our feelings. In NVC, unmet needs are at the root of conflicts. By naming our needs, we help clarify what is driving our emotions. For example, “I need to feel valued and heard in our conversations” shifts the focus to what’s important.
Requests: Making clear and specific requests for actions that might meet our needs. Requests in NVC are framed positively and with flexibility, allowing the other person freedom to respond rather than feeling coerced. Instead of demanding, “Stop looking at your phone,” a request might be, “Would you be willing to put your phone down while we talk?”
These four components work together to create a communication framework that fosters clarity, empathy, and mutual understanding.
How To Decide Between Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy in Charleston, South Carolina
Choosing between couples therapy and individual therapy is a deeply personal decision that depends on your unique circumstances and goals. Both forms of therapy offer valuable benefits, and in some cases, a combination of both may be the most effective approach. The key is to assess your needs honestly and communicate openly with your partner (if applicable) about the best path forward. Remember, seeking therapy is a positive step toward healing, growth, and a healthier future, whether you do it together or individually.