The ECG Blog
Living With Anxiety: For Women in Charleston, South Carolina
Anxious thoughts and the accompanying rollercoaster of emotions keep you feeling constantly out of control.
Anxiety has a really cruel way of getting into your head and making you doubt everything you think you know about yourself. Your rational mind can tell you everything is just fine and your anxiety is probably just playing tricks on you. But, once it hits, you’re lost in a sea of fear and self-guilt. Your anxiety may only show up in certain places, like at work, in relationships, or in social settings. But when it does show up, it feels like it’s killing you. Everyone else may see you as doing great but you feel like your head is barely above water.
In some ways, your anxiety may feel like it’s one of your greatest strengths.
It may be the reason you work so hard and have found so much success. But, it also might be the reason you can never feel at peace. Your anxiety may also protect you. It helps you realize what are threats and challenges and hyperfocusing on them may help you overcome them. You may have started to believe that creating your worst case scenario in your head before it happens is a helpful strategy, because you basically have already experienced the worst thing that could happen, so you can’t actually be hurt. Or, you may have found that ruminating about “worst case scenarios”, “what if” thoughts, and your endless threads of guilt helps you feel control in a world that feels so out of control.
From the stomach aches you’ve had before the game, to the dread of thinking about having to go to school, to the constant fear about what’s going to happen, it’s not fair to have had to experience so much agony for so long. Just because you’ve been dealing with it for as long as you can remember, doesn’t mean you have to deal with it alone, or that it won’t get better. If your anxiety has led you to a place of hopelessness or if your cruel anxious thoughts have taken over your belief system, it’s terrifying but it’s not true. You have a chance to live more congruently. The anxiety may always be there but it doesn’t have to hold you back so much.
For those whose crippling fear holds them back…
Whether your fear prevents you from going somewhere or doing something, or it just plagues you the entire time beforehand, it’s not fair that you have to feel this way. You are so capable even if you can’t see it. Your truth about what you can do is there under all of that fear and shame.
For those with constant guilt and self-doubt at the end of the day
We can be so much more brutal to ourselves than anybody else is. If you said the wrong thing, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. If you made a mistake, that doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. If you’re making up scenarios to feel guilty about, that underlying self-hatred can be let go of.
For those with an anxious attachment style…
Big changes take time and anxious attachment styles run deep. It's so frustrating to feel like you understand where your problems come from but not be able to move past them. Healing from the inside out and practicing communicating your boundaries and needs will help you shine in your relationships, just like you do in all the other areas of your life!
Life After The Military: Therapy for Veterans in South Carolina
When people hear “Veteran” they already assume so much about you.
Yes, it has played a huge part in shaping you, but it doesn’t say everything.
Your days or years in service may have been some of the best of your life. You may acknowledge the impact that your service has in leading you to your success today. Through your service, you became a better person, better at putting yourself out there, and in growing your self-competence and confidence.
Your military experience may have given you the stability you always needed growing up and allowed you to see so much more of the world. During your service you developed a strong work ethic, learned you were capable of more than you ever imagined, and discovered so much more of the world than you knew about. You are proud to be a veteran.
Your experience in the military may also come with challenges or traumas. Or, the adjustment after your service may have been much more difficult than you expected. Now that you’ve shifted to civilian life, it feels like the person you were expected to be and the belief system you had to develop isn’t working anymore.
Your head is constantly on a swivel even though you know the grocery store is probably a safe place to be. But you also know that evil exists and danger is everywhere. You were trained and reinforced to be so “tough” and “strong.”
But now, your family doesn’t want you to be so tough - unless they’re scared and they feel safe knowing you will protect them.
So are you ever supposed to completely “lighten up?” It’s so frustrating trying to be so much for everyone and try to figure out what it is the world wants you to be.
The days are getting harder and harder to get through.
You know something has to give, but when you have tried to get mental health help before, it felt like no one was actually listening.
For those who feel like they can’t take it anymore
The road has been so long. Loneliness, isolation, anger, and frustration doesn’t even begin to describe what you’ve felt. It would be a privilege to be allowed into your world and on your journey to help you find your way forward. I’m here to listen and understand and to go with you to all of the places that you’re ready for.
For those who tell themselves “My experience wasn't as bad as other Veterans”
Your experience is valid. No matter the severity, frequency, or kind of trauma you experienced, you may not know how to feel about it, but you do know you’re different now. It’s all important and worthy to explore, feel, and heal. If you think there is pain lingering, it deserves to be seen and understood.
For those whose service is a thing of the past
I respect your choice if you don’t want to talk about it and I’m so happy for you if your experience has only positively impacted you. I honor your service and experience regardless if it feels relevant or traumatic for you today. It’s not for me to define your experience, but to understand it from your point of view.
For those who I didn’t describe
Your experience and what you’ve made of your service and your adjustment to civilian life is valid and worthy of being understood. I’m sorry if I didn’t get it right or attend to all that you’ve experienced. I can only continue to learn through your willingness and trust in me and to share. Veteran is only one part of your identity; I know that you are so much more.
The “Best” Four Years Of Your Life: Therapy For College Students
You might have thought going to college would be the magic wand to set you free of your past and be the place where you would totally thrive, but it’s been so much harder than you imagined. Your friend group hasn’t quite clicked, you’re not sure your major is right for you, you’re spending half your time watching netflix, and now you’re wondering if you should transfer. Why did everyone always tell you these were supposed to be “the best four years of your life?” It might feel like everyone else has it figured out, and you’re completely lost. Sure, being a college student can be a lot of fun. You have so much freedom and new spaces to explore, but putting yourself out there can also be really scary. And, freedom can come with a lot more responsibility. You used to be in class with a routine and schedule almost all day, every day. Now, you only have to show up somewhere only 20% of the week and half of your professors don’t even take attendance. There’s no structure, but there’s still so much pressure because you want to do well and people are already asking what you want to do after college.
You’ve been depressed before, but it feels different this time. You’re surrounded by people but are still feeling alone. Now that you are away from home and in a new environment you might be thinking differently about your childhood and wondering if it wasn’t as idyllic as you thought and your relationships with your parents are becoming more strained. Or, your anxiety keeps switching from feeling anxious because you’re existentially anxious about having nothing to do to being frantically anxious to get everything done. It feels like everything and nothing is happening all at once and you have to figure so much of it out on your own. Your friends expect you to go out with them multiple times a week and it’s tons of fun! But, you end up feeling a lot more anxious and depressed the morning after. How are you supposed to know how much is too much?
For those with too much on their plate,
You’re doing it all. It feels like everyone else has it easy while you’re working multiple jobs and showing up to class. The expectations that you had have only multiplied since starting college and gaining all of this “freedom.” It’s not fair, and you’re a rockstar, but you deserve to have some time to take care of yourself.
For those whose plate feels too empty,
Your purpose is still there even if you don’t know what it is. Big changes, extra time, inconsistent routine, and having to make plans for your career and future can completely exhaust you and take away your drive to do any of it, because it just feels too overwhelming. We can take everything one step at a time to move you forward on this journey and to help you feel more connected with your purpose.
For those whose plate has turned entirely into drinking, drugs, and late night food,
You are just as worthy whether you are sitting on the couch and watching TV, or living it up with some new friends. The highs and lows associated with going out are taking a toll on you and a way you couldn’t have expected. Our behaviors can spiral quickly and you may feel like you're starting to lose yourself. Your hangovers are now accompanied with moral hangovers and the let downs are unbearable, but there’s a way to find more balance.
For those who I didn’t describe,
You aren’t just a college student - you are so much more. I’d love to get to know you and all that there is to you.
Postpartum: You Are Not Alone
You knew it would be a big change, but still feel blindsided by the postpartum emotional rollercoaster.
You may feel guilt for not enjoying as much of what you thought was supposed to be a happy time. Your expectations have not met reality. You love your baby and want the world for them, but you’re wondering where is the “instant” special connection with your child that you’ve heard others talk about.
Questions are running through your mind like, “Is it ever going to get better?” or “Do I have what it takes to become a ‘good’ parent?” Some of what you’ve heard about Postpartum Depression is disturbing and scary.
When your doctor asks you if you’re having any symptoms of Postpartum Depression, you don’t know how to describe your experience, or you wave it away. You may have told friends or family how you were feeling and they didn’t respond the way you hoped.
You’re stuck inside all of the time, your schedule is hijacked, and you don’t know what to do.
Why is it that after you’ve become a parent, you feel so alone?
It's normal to grieve the life you had before children and to have difficulty adjusting to your new routine and dynamic with your partner. Feeling that you need time for yourself to focus on your interests and ambitions is normal too. There is no right way to navigate this phase and it is an act of self- compassion to seek support to help you get through it.
Everything you are doing is hard but incredible. In a safe and confidential environment we can work on expressing your raw feelings, letting go of expectations that are leaving you feeling trapped, cope with anxiety, and help you embrace your idea and lifestyle of the person and parent that you want to be. With compassionate and judgment free therapy, we can help you feel stable and step off the rollercoaster.
For those feeling alone and scared
You aren’t “crazy.” Although, feeling like you do, or being misunderstood can certainly make you feel that way. Struggling mentally during this time doesn’t mean you will feel like this forever. It also doesn’t mean you are destined to be a bad mom, that you’ll “lose control,” or that you will do something bad.
For those consumed with guilt
It’s okay if you’re ready for your maternity leave to be over, if you don’t miss your child all the time, or if you feel a sense of relief when you get a break. It’s okay if you still wish your miscarried child was born even after you delivered another baby. None of this makes you a bad parent. You are a person too and it’s okay to think of yourself that way.
For those with crippling fear and anxiety
Your instincts are on fire. You care so much that you’re terrified of anything bad that could happen. It can take time to feel like someone else can care for your baby or trust that they will be okay, but you don’t have to carry all of that fear alone or forever.
For those who I didn’t describe
Whether you are happy, you are angry, you aren’t a “traditional” mom or parent; you are a hero. You are embarking on one of the most important journeys or raising a human being. I’m sorry if I did not capture your experience, but know that your experience is valid and worth being heard, understood, and represented. Postpartum depression does not have to be contingent on being the one giving birth, so know that you may feel this way even if you are not a parent or mother who has given birth to your child.
The Shocking Toll: Understanding How Childhood Trauma Impacts Long-Term Health for Women In South Carolina
Most of us have heard of the “mind-body connection”. But let me tell you about a world changing study you probably haven’t heard of, conducted in the 1990s by the Center of Disease Control and Prevention, and Kaiser Permanente.
The “ACE study”, which stands for “Adverse Childhood Experiences”, uncovered a shocking correlation between specific childhood experiences and the development of long term serious health diagnoses as adults. aimed to explore the correlation between childhood adversity and health issues in adulthood.
They found that exposure to particular experiences in childhood affected 67% of the population and could shorten life expectancy by 20 years, triple the likelihood of developing lung disease, and increase the likelihood of developing depression by 450%!!
You may be wondering what are these specific adverse experiences that can cause such long term and tragic outcomes?
The ACE questionnaire identifies adverse childhood experiences through a series of 10 questions, which fall into 3 categories. These induce 1) various types of household dysfunction, 2) emotional and physical neglect, and lastly, 3) any type of abuse, including emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.
The research revealsed the result of exposure effects adults in the following ways:
Physical Health
- Individuals with four or more ACEs are at a significantly higher risk of developing chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.
- The risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is 2.5 times higher in individuals with a history of ACEs compared to those without.
Mental Health
- Individuals with a history of ACEs are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.
- The risk of attempting suicide is 12 times higher among individuals with four or more ACEs.
Substance Abuse
- The likelihood of engaging in substance abuse, including alcoholism and drug addiction, increases with the number of ACEs.
- Individuals with four or more ACEs are seven times more likely to become alcoholic and ten times more likely to use intravenous drugs.
Social & Financial Impact
- ACEs impact not only physical and mental health but also social well-being. Adults with a higher number of ACEs are more likely to experience unemployment, financial instability, and relationship difficulties.
Life Expectancy
- The cumulative effect of ACEs is profound. Individuals with six or more ACEs have a 20 years shorter life expectancy than those with no ACEs.
Pretty shocking, huh?!
These findings have some pretty big implications. For starters, I use this important screening tool with every single client who starts counseling at Ethredge Counseling Group. It helps us dial in, from the very beginning, on some of the most significant experiences our clients may have had, and shed light on what could be triggering multiple symptoms.
There are implications for our society at large as well. Addressing the widespread abuse and neglect that so many children are surviving on their own is crucial, as well as supporting caregivers who may struggle with their own mental health challenges.
We can help bring trauma-informed care to those who need it most, as well as educate parents, caregivers, and community members, thereby contributing to the creation of a safer and more nurturing environment for children.
Building supportive communities that prioritize the well-being of children is essential. Social programs, mental health services, and community resources can play a vital role in creating a protective environment for children at risk of ACEs.
Lastly, we can begin healing our own traumas, both “big” and “small”. Not only for the benefit of our own health, but for the healing and wellbeing of our families, our communities, and the world as a whole.
Window of Tolerance: Mental Health Basics
Picture your favorite room in your favorite place in the world (real or imagined). Does this place have a window? If so, what do you see outside of that window? Maybe it’s huge forest trees towering into a big, blue sky. Maybe it’s a river flowing through grassy knolls, or a beach sweet and salty enough to always have a window open with the breeze blowing through.
Wherever it is, would you want that window to no longer be there? Of course not! That would keep you from seeing the beauty outside of your favorite place. Would you want that window to become a whole opening in your wall for anyone or anything to drift its way in? Probably not. Windows are enjoyable for what they are-a space to see without being overwhelmed by the elements of the outside.