You knew it would be a big change, but still feel blindsided by the postpartum emotional rollercoaster.

You may feel guilt for not enjoying as much of what you thought was supposed to be a happy time. Your expectations have not met reality. You love your baby and want the world for them, but you’re wondering where is the “instant” special connection with your child that you’ve heard others talk about.

Questions are running through your mind like, “Is it ever going to get better?” or “Do I have what it takes to become a ‘good’ parent?” Some of what you’ve heard about Postpartum Depression is disturbing and scary.

When your doctor asks you if you’re having any symptoms of Postpartum Depression, you don’t know how to describe your experience, or you wave it away. You may have told friends or family how you were feeling and they didn’t respond the way you hoped.

You’re stuck inside all of the time, your schedule is hijacked, and you don’t know what to do.

Why is it that after you’ve become a parent, you feel so alone?

It's normal to grieve the life you had before children and to have difficulty adjusting to your new routine and dynamic with your partner. Feeling that you need time for yourself to focus on your interests and ambitions is normal too. There is no right way to navigate this phase and it is an act of self- compassion to seek support to help you get through it.

Everything you are doing is hard but incredible. In a safe and confidential environment we can work on expressing your raw feelings, letting go of expectations that are leaving you feeling trapped, cope with anxiety, and help you embrace your idea and lifestyle of the person and parent that you want to be. With compassionate and judgment free therapy, we can help you feel stable and step off the rollercoaster.

For those feeling alone and scared

You aren’t “crazy.” Although, feeling like you do, or being misunderstood can certainly make you feel that way. Struggling mentally during this time doesn’t mean you will feel like this forever. It also doesn’t mean you are destined to be a bad mom, that you’ll “lose control,” or that you will do something bad.

For those consumed with guilt

It’s okay if you’re ready for your maternity leave to be over, if you don’t miss your child all the time, or if you feel a sense of relief when you get a break. It’s okay if you still wish your miscarried child was born even after you delivered another baby. None of this makes you a bad parent. You are a person too and it’s okay to think of yourself that way.

For those with crippling fear and anxiety

Your instincts are on fire. You care so much that you’re terrified of anything bad that could happen. It can take time to feel like someone else can care for your baby or trust that they will be okay, but you don’t have to carry all of that fear alone or forever.

For those who I didn’t describe

Whether you are happy, you are angry, you aren’t a “traditional” mom or parent; you are a hero. You are embarking on one of the most important journeys or raising a human being. I’m sorry if I did not capture your experience, but know that your experience is valid and worth being heard, understood, and represented. Postpartum depression does not have to be contingent on being the one giving birth, so know that you may feel this way even if you are not a parent or mother who has given birth to your child.

Most of us have heard of the “mind-body connection”. But let me tell you about a world changing study you probably haven’t heard of, conducted in the 1990s by the Center of Disease Control and Prevention, and Kaiser Permanente.

The “ACE study”, which stands for “Adverse Childhood Experiences”, uncovered a shocking correlation between specific childhood experiences and the development of long term serious health diagnoses as adults. aimed to explore the correlation between childhood adversity and health issues in adulthood.

They found that exposure to particular experiences in childhood affected 67% of the population and could shorten life expectancy by 20 years, triple the likelihood of developing lung disease, and increase the likelihood of developing depression by 450%!!

You may be wondering what are these specific adverse experiences that can cause such long term and tragic outcomes?

The ACE questionnaire identifies adverse childhood experiences through a series of 10 questions, which fall into 3 categories. These induce 1) various types of household dysfunction, 2) emotional and physical neglect, and lastly, 3) any type of abuse, including emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.

The research revealsed the result of exposure effects adults in the following ways:

Physical Health

- Individuals with four or more ACEs are at a significantly higher risk of developing chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

- The risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is 2.5 times higher in individuals with a history of ACEs compared to those without.

Mental Health

- Individuals with a history of ACEs are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.

- The risk of attempting suicide is 12 times higher among individuals with four or more ACEs.

Substance Abuse

- The likelihood of engaging in substance abuse, including alcoholism and drug addiction, increases with the number of ACEs.

- Individuals with four or more ACEs are seven times more likely to become alcoholic and ten times more likely to use intravenous drugs.

Social & Financial Impact

- ACEs impact not only physical and mental health but also social well-being. Adults with a higher number of ACEs are more likely to experience unemployment, financial instability, and relationship difficulties.

Life Expectancy

- The cumulative effect of ACEs is profound. Individuals with six or more ACEs have a 20 years shorter life expectancy than those with no ACEs.

Pretty shocking, huh?!

These findings have some pretty big implications. For starters, I use this important screening tool with every single client who starts counseling at Ethredge Counseling Group. It helps us dial in, from the very beginning, on some of the most significant experiences our clients may have had, and shed light on what could be triggering multiple symptoms.

There are implications for our society at large as well. Addressing the widespread abuse and neglect that so many children are surviving on their own is crucial, as well as supporting caregivers who may struggle with their own mental health challenges.

We can help bring trauma-informed care to those who need it most, as well as educate parents, caregivers, and community members, thereby contributing to the creation of a safer and more nurturing environment for children.

Building supportive communities that prioritize the well-being of children is essential. Social programs, mental health services, and community resources can play a vital role in creating a protective environment for children at risk of ACEs.

Lastly, we can begin healing our own traumas, both “big” and “small”. Not only for the benefit of our own health, but for the healing and wellbeing of our families, our communities, and the world as a whole.

I often have clients start therapy by telling me they had idyllic childhoods, wonderful parents, and no traumatic experiences. 

And yet, they experience panic attacks, ruminating thoughts, insomnia, or low self esteem.

How do these people with such lovely lives, develop such limiting, frustrating, even devastating or debilitating symptoms?

The answer? Unresolved and unprocessed experiences, aka “trauma”. 

Now, many may balk at that statement! Perhaps you too feel you’ve had a trauma-free life, and yet experience some of the symptoms listed above. You view yourself as strong and capable, not as a victim with trauma. 

Stick with me here! 

I'm not here to convince you that you are a victim, or that you have some horrific event in your childhood which you’ve suppressed. Nor am I here to ruin your view of your childhood and say you had terrible parents!

I am here to challenge you to look deeper than the surface. To begin to understand the root cause of these symptoms. To validate the significance of the small and often neglected experiences that could be the source of your current struggles. 

“Trauma is an invisible force that shapes our lives. It shapes the way we live, the way we love and the way we make sense of the world. It is the root of our deepest wounds.”

― Gabor Maté

You may have first heard of EMDR through Whitney Rose (RHOSLC) when she spoke recently of her experience with it in therapy, or soccer superstar David Beckham using EMDR to treat fear and anxiety. EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is finally entering the zeitgeist as a profoundly healing therapy modality used to treat anything from insomnia to combat trauma, and everything in between.

So, What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Disensitation & Reprossessiong (EMDR) is a therapy technique used to preprocess unresolved or unprocessed negative experiences. This reprocessing is different than typical talk therapy, as it’s paired with bi-lateral stimulation through eye movement.

Does It Actually Work?

The jury is in. EMDR is one of the most effective forms of treatment for trauma. One study showed it was not only more effective than Prozac, but once treatment was complete, clients continued to be asymptomatic, unlike those who’d taken Prozac!

In the picturesque city of Charleston, South Carolina, a growing number of millennial women are recognizing the importance of mental health and seeking therapy as a valuable tool for personal growth and well-being. From the cobblestone streets of historic downtown to the vibrant communities along the coastline, the reasons for this trend are as diverse as the city itself.

There always comes a time in life where we know we need to make a change. We may feel either totally exhausted, or like we aren’t doing anything with our time, or that we have no purpose at all. But it may be very confusing, daunting, and overwhelming to find out how to actually make a lifestyle change. Using a wellness wheel may be a practical and useful tool to help you figure out where to start. A wellness wheel, pictured below, includes all of the 9 areas of wellness (links to other blogs) in a sort of pie chart. The size of each slice is indicative of how much time and energy you are putting into that area as well as how much you are getting back from it.

The first step to consider when deciding how to make a lifestyle change is to assess you lifestyle now by reflecting on your engagement with each area of wellness (review the 9 areas of wellness blogs). Ask yourself how much of your time and energy are you pouring into each area as well as how much fulfillment you are getting from each area. Take a pencil and paper draw a circle (it does not have to be perfect!) and make your lifestyle come to life. The larger slices are the areas that most of your energy is currently going towards and the smaller slices are the areas you feel get little to no attention, or are depleted. If you feel that there is a lot of time you have no idea where it's going to (maybe tiktok scrolling or netflix binging) you can just label that the “abyss” Your wheel might then look something like this:

Now, take a look at your personal wellness wheel and use this as your guidance for deciding which areas you can make some changes. The first time I created a wellness wheel I was 17 years old and absolutely full of anxiety. I realized I had about two or three areas that took up my entire circle and everything else was minimal. I had no idea that there could be important areas of my life outside of school, hanging out with my friend, and babysitting. Getting active (running) and getting creative (painting) set me free to a whole new world and got me to feel way more balanced and less anxious.

Next, it’s time to start making those lifestyle changes. First, see what areas of your life you can set boundaries in (maybe you can’t say no to your friends or your boss) to reduce the areas of life that may be in excess. Then, you can start making some goals to increase the areas that could use some growth. Identify activities within that area that seem like something you would actually enjoy, appreciate, or get something out of. Then write down some realistic and measurable goals next to your wellness wheel. One goal might work for many areas! For example, walking over to your community garden every other Saturday might grow your spiritual, social, and physical wellness! It might even help with your financial wellness (brunch on Saturday is expensive)! Remember that there are many different activities and behaviors that can fit into each area of wellness. Creative wellness doesn’t mean you have to love water color and physical wellness doesn’t mean you have to hike 10 miles. It takes time to determine from yourself which activities you actually enjoy and how much energy you need to pour in to feel a difference. Every month create a new wellness wheel and check back in with your goals and adjust them as needed.!

As we continue to explore the 9 areas of wellness, we consider how practical areas can greatly impact the other areas in ways we may not recognize. If your financial wellness is low and you can barely afford to meet your basic needs, it can be much harder to attend to your other areas. Likewise, if your occupational wellness is out of whack, and your work life is consuming you, you won’t have the time or energy to grow your other areas of wellness. Similarly, physical and intellectual wellness have direct implications for our body and minds. IF our bodies aren’t physically and mentally healthy, it’s hard to have any energy at all!

6. Physical- Physical wellness is often the most highlighted area of the 9 areas of wellness. Physical wellness includes engaging in a wide range of activities that support and nourish our bodies. Yes, this does include diet, exercise, and tending to our illnesses, but.. that means approaching the way we move and feed our bodies with love, not with hate and rigidity! We absolutely benefit by taking care of our bodies because it supports our mental health, reduces stress, and improves our ability to think clearly and have the energy to complete tasks. Also, physical health and exercise supports our brain chemistry to make us feel happier. Exercise releases endorphins and overtime helps to increase our serotonin levels overall! Physical wellness can also prevent illness and improve our quality of life. Your exercise routine could range from 20-30 minute walks, to kickboxing, to pilates, to tai chi. Improving your diet can be as simple as eating less processed food and more vegetables once or twice a week to consume more nutrients. And, we can honor our bodies by taking vitamins or going to see a doctor annually and when we notice problems show up. Engaging in physical wellness can help you connect more with others by exercising and eating healthy together. And your self-esteem can improve when you learn what your body is capable of and see how much easier you move through the week when you feed it and move it with love.

7. Financial- Financial wellness is an area of wellness that can also come with a lot of stress and can have big impacts on our other areas of wellness. Financial wellness implies that you can feel comfortable covering your necessities, like paying your monthly bills and unforeseen bills (ex: car troubles) and you can also manage to afford some of the extra things you want to be able to do or buy. It also means that you can approach finances and spending with some comfort while maintaining an understanding of the importance of budgeting. When we are struggling to make ends meet or have any spending money, we will often experience significant deficits in our ability to attend to the other areas of wellness. It’s unfair. While financial wellness is often improved with more wealth, the two are not directly related. Many people with much wealth may lack financial wellness because of the inability to ever find peace or relaxation with their money (this can have a lot to do with our childhood!) or with impulsive spending (buying those shoes might feel really good after you had a fight with a friend!). You can engage in financial wellness by regular budgeting and monitoring of weekly spending, carpooling, using public transportation, cutting back on expensive meals and drinks (why do espresso martinis taste so good but cost so much?), cooking with and buying groceries with roommates, spending more time outside to exercise vs paying for a gym, and taking advantage of free entertainment in the community. YNAB and EveryDollar are affordable apps and services that can help you budget and gain financial wellness.

8. Occupational- Occupational wellness is associated with the connection, purpose, and pride we may experience from our careers or the tasks, duties, or daily activities we complete in a day that contribute to our families or the world around us. If you are one of the lucky people that absolutely loves your job you probably are experiencing a great dose of occupational wellness! But if you are one of the many people that are feeling a lack of purpose or sense of passion at your job, like boundaries are constantly being pushed (more work, longer hours, moving expectations), or like you're stuck, you are likely struggling with your occupational wellness. Ways to improve your occupational wellness include finding the tasks and skills that you appreciate and enjoy and engaging in those as much as you can. If you aren’t passionate about the field that you are working on, maybe you can find tasks that you enjoy or get a sense of pride from. Maybe you love solving problems, building or creating things, networking, or working with numbers. If you’re feeling totally lost in your career or want to get to know more about what your strengths and areas of interest may be, check out O*Net to take a test that can match you with your career interests, strengths, tasks, and potential career options.

9. Intellectual- Intellectual wellness implies that we have activities or areas of interest to explore that mentally stimulate us. It also includes opening our mind and learning about new ideas or experiences. Intellectual wellness can include reading, completing puzzles or mind games, like sudokus or word searches. Or, it could include exploring our interests. If you love music, movies, makeup, history, mental health, current events, politics, or anything else, then researching or diving into these areas of interest can help stimulate your mind and make you feel connected to yourself and the world around you. Allowing your mind to engage in a mental activity that is not also tied with expectations (finishing a project at work or taking a test in school) can provide a liberating sense of ease. Also, if you’re overworked and your mind is constantly running, then this a good time to recognize your intellectual wellness may be exhausted. It might be time to look more into your other areas of wellness to seek fulfillment.

“Self-Care” and “Wellness” are buzz words that get a lot of attention in today's media and influencer lifestyle. But what does it all really mean? What is wellness.. And is a face mask self-care?

Wellness has several definitions in research but they all roughly come to the same conclusion. Wellness is an active process of taking actions to improve your lifestyle in several different areas. Engaging in wellness can improve both your connection with yourself (helping you feel congruent in your identity) and your behaviors that impact your daily functioning (i.e. your lifestyle).

So, is a face mask self-care? It can be! Self-care includes any act that supports our growth, personhood, or daily appreciation of ourselves. Self-care can range from taking a bubble bath to doing our taxes, however, taking care of ourselves through acts of wellness typically requires more consistent and well-rounded behavior. So… yes, please enjoy your face mask! Just remember that it takes a little bit more work to practice wellness.

Practicing wellness has the potential to reduce or prevent stress, mental health symptoms, and burnout. Wellness can teach us better ways to deal with our stress and connect more with our authentic selves.

There are 9 areas of wellness that we can all engage in to help us have a more well-rounded lifestyles and more “whole” versions of ourselves. The 9 areas of wellness we will explore are social, physical, occupational, financial, emotional, cultural, creative, intellectual, and spiritual. You may associate wellness with the fancy, luxurious, and expensive spa in your area, but daily and accessible practices may be more likely to benefit you and your goals of self-improvement.

Social, Emotional, Cultural, Creative, and Spiritual (9 areas of wellness, Part 1)

There are a multitude of ways to help improve ourselves, our lives, and our dynamic with the world around us. The 9 areas of wellness (social, physical, occupational, financial, emotional, cultural, creative, intellectual, and spiritual) provide us with a road map to determine where we may be investing too much or too little of our time and energy.

Below, I will review 5 of the 9 areas of wellness by providing a potentially new definition of each with examples of different activities or actions that support building wellness in each of the areas.

Social- Social wellness includes having meaningful and balanced relationships with people in your life. Social wellness doesn’t necessarily mean having large groups of people that you know or “go out” with, although, having a solid and congruent community in your life can certainly influence a strong social wellness. You may have 2 friends that you feel like you can be your true self around. This might include being honest about your experiences or being able to be truly playful with. Or, you may have many friends that you enjoy sharing interests or activities with! One of the most exciting factors related to social wellness is that you can typically engage in social wellness by also engaging in all of the other areas of wellness. Exploring the other areas of wellness may even help you find some new activities to do with friends. Some examples of social wellness may include going to dinner or the movies, going on walks with friends, looking for sharks’ teeth at the beach, cooking together, making friendly relationships at work, and so much more.

Emotional- Emotional wellness is another area of wellness that easily blends into others. Emotional wellness includes consistently and genuinely expressing, sharing, and feeling your emotions as they rise and change daily. Sharing your emotions genuinely with friends, family, or even in professional relationships can help to build more authenticity with yourself and in your relationships. Practicing emotional wellness may also help you realize when you should set more boundaries and feel more connected with your aspirations. Journaling, therapy, and strong communication or conflict resolution skills are all very supportive actions that can improve your emotional wellness. You may also be able to build their emotional wellness through cultural, creative, spiritual, intellectual and physical activities.

Cultural- Cultural wellness is a unique and special area of the 9 areas of wellness. Cultural wellness includes connecting to your heritage, community, traditions, and family. The unique power of cultural wellness is that it can bring a certain zest and vitality to your life! You can grow your cultural wellness by exploring your family/ heritage and its traditions, food, and history. Cultural wellness may also include learning about the history of where you live and getting involved in the community. This may include learning about the systemic factors that affect you and the people in your neighborhood or city. Getting involved with your community, whether it’s fun community events or making a difference through local or larger politics, are both ways you can grow your cultural wellness. Cultural Wellness can help foster a deeper understanding of your identity and connect with those around you. Engaging in cultural wellness can easily influence your social, emotional, and intellectual wellness.

Creative- Creative wellness includes engaging in activities and practices that include innovation, building, art, intention, and self expression. When we think about creativity, we might think that we have to be blessed with artistic talent. But creative endeavors are not limited by drawing, painting, sculpting, and graphic design. We can get creative through cooking, baking, woodworking, makeup, building with blocks or legos, dancing, or through electronic platforms like minecraft (creating your whole world). If you are a lover of the arts, I hope you can practice your creations with compassion to yourself and expression of your ideas. For those of us who are not naturally gifted, putting pencil or a brush to the paper while freeing ourselves of expectations for how it turns out can be liberating, therapeutic, and definitely in support of our creative wellness.

Spiritual- Spiritual wellness is one of the 9 areas of wellness likely to elicit strong connotations. However, spiritual wellness can be practiced through endless ways. Spiritual wellness includes self reflection of, and connection to, our values and beliefs. It also includes the practice of mindfulness and acceptance. One can practice spiritual wellness by being in nature, meditating, going to or being a part of a church or religious group, having quiet time to engage in a mindful activity. You can grow your spiritual wellness by engaging mindfully through gardening, journaling, creating, or walking outside. You can practice spiritual wellness in any way that feels sacred to you.

Anxiety is an emotion that can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. However, when it comes to understanding and managing anxiety, one's attachment style plays a significant role, particularly for women. Attachment styles influence how we connect with others, process emotions, and handle stress. In this blog post, we'll explore the intricate relationship between anxiety and attachment styles, offering insights and strategies for women to better navigate their emotional landscapes.

Understanding Attachment Styles

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and later expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth, helps us comprehend the way we form emotional bonds with others. Attachment styles typically fall into four categories: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (also known as disorganized). These styles are formed in childhood based on our early experiences with caregivers and continue to impact our relationships throughout our lives. It is important to note that these categories are fluid, rather than rigid, meaning that your attachment style may have components that have characteristics of several styles.

By taking the time to reflect, setting realistic goals, and building a support system, you position yourself for a more fulfilling and mentally healthy future. Embrace the opportunity to invest in your well-being this December, and step into the new year with confidence and resilience. What are you waiting for?

Dr. Etta Gantt talks about new beginnings and how to bloom in a new city like Charleston, South Carolina, while building a sense of mental health and overall wellbeing. Dr. Etta Gantt is a licensed professional counselor and PhD at Ethredge Counseling Group.

Charleston, SC is a charming city with a rich history and vibrant culture. It’s can be a hard transition to a move to a new city Here are 50 ideas (plus 2 bonus ideas!) for things to do in Charleston for those of you who recently relocated:

In the journey towards healing from trauma, finding the right therapist is a crucial step. Charleston, SC, with its rich history and vibrant community, offers a variety of mental health professionals. However, the process of identifying a suitable trauma therapist can be overwhelming. This blog post aims to guide individuals through the steps of finding a good trauma therapist in Charleston, SC!

1. Understanding Trauma Therapy:

Before embarking on the search, it’s important to understand that there are many approaches to treating trauma, and there are many personal styles of therapy that differ between therapists. I think it’s essential to take a few moments and ponder what type of therapeutic relationship you are seeking. Some trauma approaches can be a bit cold and distant, but very clinical, while others can be quite holistic, incorporating the body through somatic approaches. A trauma therapist’s goal is (or should be) to help you safely process emotions related to your past experiences in a specialized way. They utilize various therapeutic approaches tailored to each person's unique needs.

2. Researching Therapists:

Start by compiling a list of trauma therapists in Charleston. Utilize online directories, mental health websites, or ask for recommendations from friends, family, or healthcare providers. Pay attention to therapists' specializations, ensuring they have experience in trauma-focused therapy.

The intricate dance of co-dependent relationships often unfolds within the framework of the Karpman Triangle, also known as the "Drama Triangle." This psychological model, crafted by Stephen Karpman, sheds light on the complex dynamics that characterize co-dependent interactions. At its core, the triangle identifies three central roles— the Victim, the Rescuer, and the Persecutor—each contributing to a toxic cycle. Escaping this drama triangle of co-dependency is all about recognizing your role in the drama triangle, and shifting to a more functional position.

Embarking on the path to healing from trauma is a courageous step, and finding the right therapist is so important to this journey. As you consider potential trauma therapists, know that it’s ok to ask questions and gather information so that you can make a decision you feel good about! Here are 18 questions to consider asking your potential therapist.

1. What is your experience in treating trauma?

Understanding a therapist's experience with treating trauma. Inquire about their years of practice, specific training in trauma therapy, and any certifications related to trauma treatment.